Thursday, 5 July 2007

Psephology Revisited

Kivak, you gots to chill the fuck out. Drink yourself a nice tall glass of Bitch-B-Kool. No more old shit. Dukakis? You left out the “Dukakis moment” photograph of him riding around in an M1 tank with a goofy-ass helmet on his shrunken noggin while flashing a limp-wristed thumbs up.

Recall, this was back when the Russians were coming and Reagan’s political death rattle sounded something like: “The Book of Revelations… Armageddon…Judgment Day…I believe our generation might actually be the one to witness all that.” Actual quote. (Okay okay, actual paraphrase.) Nonetheless, it was obviously no time to be cavorting around Massachusetts National Guard HQ like some kind soft-palmed, pansy-ass, rear-echelon douchebag.

Especially with feral gargoyles like WILLY HORTON on the loose!

But the Duke’s M1 moment looks like nothing, NOTHING, compared to the John McCain pub pics showing St. John “strolling” through liberated Baghdad in a flak jacket. These will resurface, mark my words.

In the meantime, Republocrat Joe Lieberman, quickly sensing the danger to this election cycle’s favorite Grumpy Old White Guy, promptly took one for the team and allowed himself to be copiously photographed mere weeks later trekking the same blocks looking like an even bigger pussy, replete with body armor AND Kevlar headgear…

Holy Joe’s contribution was too little, too late. McCain is now poorhouse busted, down to his last three million scoots, according to the latest scuttlebutt…word at the water cooler has it he’s letting loose between 50 and 100 core McCainiacs from his staff…not the signs of a frontrunner gaining steam. Senator Tiger Cage also carries the mange-ridden mantle of Bush-lite.

Grasping this poisoned chalice a year or so ago when he did it didn’t appear like the total bonehead move it looks like now, and even carried a certain “counter-intuitive,” "political genius" vibe, ie: Bush is such a catastrophic fuck up that some correction is due, and at the very least a slight reversal in his tendency to be wrong Every Fucking Time will emerge right before election season, making McCain look like the Wise Old Man Who Was Right To Believe All Along, instead of the image he projects now (Grandpa Simpson/constipated rattlesnake).

But now it’s looking more and more like GWB’s shocking declension from Bad to Worse to What the FUCK..! will neatly trace the nail rows down John McLame’s political coffin…

If you want to know why Rudy Giuliani will never be the president of the United States just log on to and search “Rudy Giuliani” and “drag”. Dial up and play the first video.

Hint: the title “Rudy Giuliani in Drag Smooching Donald Trump” pretty much sums up my argument.

If you actually watch the clip (not recommended immediately post-mealtime) I’ll tell you that no, that is not a stunt double, and that yes, America’s Mayor, three marriages and countless extramarital affairs notwithstanding, is in all likelihood a flaming homo. The Donald Trump clip is only one of several public appearances by His Excellency the Mayor all shiela’ed up.

I don’t have the inclination (or spare life) to round up every pic ever published of Fruity Rudy dolled up like a five dollar whore (including the shot of Rudy-cum-Chorus Girl, cheek mole and all) but believe me, that shit is out there. Ye shades, it is out there. If you’re a Bible Belt Bolshevik from the Republican heartland, Rudy’s gallery of public cross-dressing is an unrivaled record of Big City depravity, nothing more, nothing less.

Mad cow Rudolph Giuliani is USDA Grade A unelectable.

As for the Democrats, aught eight represents the classic “trap game”. The Dems must fight the temptation to believe that this one is so in the bag that they can actually look past it and start strategizing for the next challenge (terrorism, environmental collapse, etc.).

Yet the numbers don’t show Hillary or Obama or Edwards slam-dunking the jokers on the other side of the ticket. Maybe it’s too early for that. Hell, it’s really too early for any of this bullshit. And, as the Libby commutation (read: pardon) showed this week, the gang of rabble currently infesting 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. might actually be, yes, SO FUCKING STUPID that Hillary & Co. may be perfectly justified in mailing this one in and planning for next Sunday’s game.

Gore? My dream ticket would be Gore/Obama 08. No big knock against Obama, but he does lack experience. And the US Senate is no place to pick up executive experience for a presidential run (viz: Messrs Dole, McCarthy, Humphrey, Mondale…okay, so Mondale was a VP, but under a one-term president…and so was uber-legislator LBJ, fucking murdering bastard…my point stands). So would Gore actually get into it?

Gore’s no. 1 problem is the liberal US media. Yes, you read that right. If there’s one sin an editor (print) or news producer (TV) absolutely cannot tolerate, will absolutely not pardon, especially in a politician, it is the unspeakable crime of being smarter than said editor or news producer. Gore is smarter than all the editors and news producers in the US.

The media elite in the US is a gang of wanna-be rim-jobbers who make their way through their lives as The Smartest Guys in the Room. An entire “professional” class of mewling pooches kept around for their intellectual cocktail-party tricks.

And hence the average panjandrum of the pundit class sees his watery self-esteem go all to shit when someone smarter than he is enters, and Al Gore is smarter than all these knock-kneed weenie waggers. And for some reason “liberal” journos suffer more acutely from this syndrome, a kind of black lung disease of the newsrag profession.

So as a candidate Al Gore would face not only the grotesqueries of Murdoch McNews, but also the ego-salving peenie-pulling “articles” wanked out by the jerg-ovs, bedwetters, fictioneers and flat out liars currently employed by the New York Times, etc. (check out the Daily Howler online for a blow-by-blow of the liberal media’s disgraceful War on Gore that helped decide the 2000 election and leave us in this hideous lurch).

I think it would need some kind of major, MAJOR, online, alternative politics/alternative candidate-type movement to get Al Gore into the 2008 race. Sadly, I don’t see it.

But don’t ask me. Don’t ask anyone. That there’s this much interest this early indicates nothing more than the fact that every American with an IQ greater than the square root of pi is so sick and fucking tired of the junta calling the shots now that we want President Cheney gone, and I mean like the day before yesterday. Anyone else, ANYONE ELSE, would be better. Call it the all upside election.

As for all the other racket being generated now? An old Scottish king had it pegged. It is indeed,

A tale told by an idiot,
Much sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.



Rotten said...

Man, are you supposed to comment on your own posts? If someone else hasn't commented first? Fuck if I know...

Don't fookin care, either. I was loaded when I wrote the aboveblogged squibb and I'm loaded again, so get ready for some Rotten on Rotten action...

I roundly dismissed Kivak's Fred Thompson inquiry (yet somehow I still managed to imply that Kivak's a "bitch"...sorry Kivak...that was the liquour talking...) because I just can't take Thompson seriously.

Not that I wouldn't be against an actor president (for obvious I've let a few select know, I did see "Cast Member #2" on the set of 'Wanted'...this shit was, and is, supposed to be totally under wraps so that's why I've kept a lid on it...the two times I saw her on set I was just getting out of her way and she didn't say a word to me...just that right hand up to the side of her head, thumb and pinky extended, those lovely pillow couch lips pursed in a silent "Call me...".

BAH! Jus' fuckin wich yas.

But back to Fred Thompson. Rotten's tip: Done by early 2008.

Sure one of our favorite ex-presidents was a former actor, but he also put in two terms as governor of a state where the governor is actually expected to do something (unlike Texas).

Rotten said...

Oh and another thing viz the liberal media's War on Gore. Think I'm nuts? Here's a lede graph from a major newspaper covering the arrest of Al Gore's son for pot possession which takes the cake for cheap, snide, zero-information-adding snark. Printed under the headline, "Gore's son facing drugs charges":

"The good news for Al Gore was that when his son was stopped by the police yesterday morning he was driving an environmentally friendly car, a hybrid Toyota Prius. The bad news was that Al Gore Jr was arrested on suspicion of possessing cannabis and drugs for which he apparently had no prescription."

Which scandal rag offered up this bit of better-than-you bitchiness? The Wall Street Journal? Murdoch McNews's New York Post? Wrong.

The Guardian. THE GUARDIAN. Your liberal media at work.

Where were these truthfinders the last time Jenna Bush was in Prague and she took advantage of the fact that the European drinking age is 18 to shut down the entire Lavka nightclub for a hen party where she and her co-whores got royally shitfaced and left the place a smoking shambles...this was circa 2003...where was the snide fucking media commentary?... where...? Nowhere.

I guess our betters in the mass media information-based news product industry decided that that shit was not "newsworthy", let alone "snarkworthy".

So again I tell you: fuck these guys. And, again, I find myself quoting the immortal Raul Duke (I've done it before and I'll probably do it many times more before they lower my box into the clay):

"Agnew was right. The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits--a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage."


Kivak said...

Man, that's some heavy muthafudging (Die Hard 4.0) but exquisitely readable shit you're laying down on us there, brutha. You alls ortta get loaded more often. When can I get a hit of some of that Raul Duke? Sounds like real nice but nasty stuff. Would write more but I have to be careful not to let the website nazis clock me logged on for more than a few minutes at a time in case one of those lubcricated leather-encased nightsticks suddenly appears in my peripheral vision...

Kivak said...

Doh! I'm a bit slow on the uptake there buddy, and I'm achingly sober and about as cognitively functional as I ever get. Raul Duke is a Trudeau Doonesbury character, right? And he's meant to be an alterego for the dear shotgun-departed Hunter S. Thompson, yes? We don't really receive Doonesbury in these backwaters, and unless you follow Trudeau religiously, it's bloody difficult to work who the characters are and who or what they represent.

Hey, that long sip of Bitch-B-Kool was a real sweet treat.

Rotten said...

Thanks, Dawg.

You were close on Raul Duke. He as actually the protagonist of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, a foundation stone of the Rotten cannon. Read it, obviously (if you haven't already). If you have already, it holds up well under repeat visits.

Also not to be missed is the Terry Gilliam film adaptation. Why James Foxx can get an Oscar for his lame cocktail party Ray Charles impersonation while Johnny Depp is ignored for recreating HST in a performance that couldn't be bettered even if you had a time machine and brought the 30-something doctor back from the 70's, well, I don't know. The film costars Benicio Del Toro as Dr. Gonzo and is packed with bit roles and cameos by the likes of Cameron Diaz, Toby McGuire, Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Marc Harmon, Nick Nolte, etc...the Good Doctor himself even appears for a flicker. Switch out the Bitch-B-Kool for a bottle of good Scotch and pop that thing in the DVD player at the earliest opportunity.


Kivak said...

Whoa! You weren't shitting us: that was a major Jon Stewart "What the FUCK?!" moment there on YouTube as per your hint on tracking down clips of Fruity Rudy in drag. At least she's a better actor than Trump. But what the hell was that all about?!

B.A. said...

Okay, gotta get in here before its gone. Rotten, as always, quality shee-it my man.

Cupla thoughts. The Repubs look LOST. Honestly, when an unnotable and reluctant one-term senator with a bit of network TV face-recognition and a specious platform is the saviour of the presidential race? Shit. How deep in the lineup of Dem candidates do you have to go before you find someone, not just that you'd rather vote for philosophically, but more COMPETENT than the sad shit the Repubs are trotting out. Okay, in fairness, competence is not the only issue. As Rotten pointed out, Rudy G is unelectable, mainly for having the audacity to muddy the party line. McCain has similar issues, with more than a little wacko thrown in. Kinda reminds me of Perot in '96 when the perception went from "interesting against-the-grain candidate" to "that crazy uncle we don't trust with the remote". He's one of the more likeable of the bunch, but the can't campaign or raise money worth a shit. Done.

Romney. Mormon. Conservatives, whom he'd hope would be his audience, won't vote for him. End of story.

Me? I take Obama, Hil', Edwards in that order. Although I have my preferences, I'm okay with any of 'em. Though he could surprise, I think John E. is done early, failing to raise as much dough or differentiating himself enough from the other two. I'd take Weird Al Gore over'm all but I think e's too smart to take the bait this time. Ultimately, he probably knows he has more impact and less bullshit now as a public speaker, statesman, and former VP.

I sincerly hope the Dems don't choke it, but its more clearly theirs for the taking than at any time in my life. Too bad things had to be so abjectly fucked up for it to happen. On this we can all agree..

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